Treadmills Part 2: Miles With Smiles

Treadmills come with safety instructions. It’s important to follow these instructions very carefully.

WARNING:  Over-exercising can result in serious injury or death.

Never allow more than one person on the treadmill at a time. (what??)

Don’t walk backwards on your treadmill. (Er, excuse me?)

I could add my own instructions, born of experience:

Don’t get distracted by watching TV till you forget where your feet are straying.  (Well, who’d be daft enough to do that?)

Don’t forget to tie your shoelaces properly before pressing the ‘Start’ button.

Don’t press the ‘Increase speed’ button when you mean ‘Decrease speed.’

Don’t use the heart rate monitor in case it shows such an erratic heartbeat that you convince yourself you’re about to drop dead (which makes the monitor reading even worse).

Don’t puff and pant your way through half-an-hour of brisk walking or jogging before realising you’d set it to Incline 4 when you thought you were doing it on the flat.  (Especially not if you’re an oldie and/or beginner to exercising.)

Don’t press the ‘Stop’ button without slowing down first after trying out a fast speed.

I could continue, but I think perhaps I’m stating the obvious, aren’t I?

I did promise (in Part 1) to tell you some sensible reasons for getting a treadmill, things that make it worth it all in the end. Well, it’s good for improving your health (no, really) and, at the same time, burning up those calories. I lost 10lbs in the first 10 weeks after purchasing the treadmill, and, more importantly, I’m sure I’m much healthier. Could I have achieved this while enjoying the great outdoors? No. Not on those days when going for a walk would have meant braving the worst of our English weather. I love treadmilling in my conservatory while the rain is beating down on the roof and the wind is howling outside.

It’s also educational. ? To offset boredom during an hour’s treadmilling session I’ve found it necessary to listen to anything that comes on the radio during that time. It’s amazing what fascinating snippets of knowledge you can pick up from doing that.

Did you know that around 456BC a Greek dramatist died when an eagle dropped a tortoise on his bald head? Or that in 1718 the Irish Parliament passed the Coffee Adulteration Act by which it was forbidden (among other things) to attempt to pass off sheep dung as coffee beans? To get more up to date, did you know that copper door handles kill germs whereas the little buggers thrive on those made of aluminium or stainless steel? This must mean that when I wash my hands before making sandwiches in the kitchen and then bring the food through into another room to eat, I’m eating… No, let’s not go there.

So there you have it. Haven’t I made all of you readers (what readers? I hope there are some) want to rush out and buy a treadmill? Never mind the dismal Jimmies who talk about getting on the road to nowhere. Walking and running while staying in one place is great fun. Let’s all get onto our treadmills. Let’s clock up those MILES WITH SMILES!