WARNING: It is unwise in the extreme to make cow noises in front of a psychiatrist.
‘You say your brother gets on your nerves,’ he said, adjusting his hearing aid. ‘What does he do?’
‘All kind of things,’ I said uneasily.
‘Well, he talks daft and bangs and taps and … and he makes silly noises.’
‘Silly noises? What are these silly noises like?’
‘Noises like animals,’ I said.
‘Give me an example to show me what you mean.’
God, this was difficult. I decided to demonstrate Brian’s cow noises which he’d been treating me to outside my bedroom door in the early hours of that very morning.
‘OK, that’s enough of that,’ Dr Sugden said, waving his hand on my third ‘Mooo-ooo!’